How Many Middle-Aged Couples Actually Have a Harmonious Marriage?

I know a man who is in his 40s. He is extremely disciplined. He goes to the gym at least 3–4 times a week, and his training technique is very professional. You can tell at a glance that he has been working out consistently for many years. He has maintained a very good physique.

One thing he often says is:

“If you work out but don’t train your legs, you’ll definitely end up with erectile problems…”

I joked with him:

“Brother, with squats as strong as yours, your wife must be very happy, right?”

But he immediately went silent.

As time went by, we became closer. Occasionally, we would go out for a drink and chat. Later, I learned more about his story.

He was originally from a rural area. After working extremely hard, he was admitted to a prestigious university and went directly to study in a major city. Since he had never really experienced the huge gap between rich and poor, the contrast shocked him when he arrived. This caused him to develop a sense of inferiority when he was young. He was even too insecure to pursue relationships.

After graduation, he joined an IT company. Before he turned 30, his monthly income had already reached 40,000–50,000 yuan.

Through an introduction from others, he met a local woman who was a few years older than him. Since he had little experience with relationships, things moved quickly, and before he knew it, they were married.

His wife’s family had relatively good financial conditions. In addition, his wife had a very strong personality and looked down somewhat on his family background. She felt that his parents, who came from the countryside, lacked education and social refinement. After their child was born, she even refused to let his parents help take care of the child.

His wife’s parents ran a small business, and perhaps they also looked down on a son-in-law who worked for a private company. They often treated him with a somewhat superior attitude.

Later, my friend got an opportunity to join a large IT company in another first-tier city. At that time (about ten years ago), the annual salary could exceed one million yuan.

However, his wife’s family strongly opposed the move. They questioned his abilities, used their child as an excuse, threatened him with divorce, and eventually managed to ruin the opportunity.

As he later said:

“If I had gone back then, I would probably be financially free by now.”

After that, the company he worked for began struggling. He had no choice but to change jobs. Unfortunately, his luck was not great afterward. He basically changed companies every two years. Although his income gradually increased, he eventually only reached a middle-management position.

As he became older and gained more life experience, he finally realized something:

His wife and her family had been psychologically manipulating him for years.

Although his wife’s family had better financial conditions, they never provided him with any real support. Instead, they always treated him as if he were someone trying to take advantage of their family.

On top of that, as his wife got older, her figure changed and she was no longer as attractive as she once was. Combined with years of resentment and family conflicts, my friend gradually lost interest in her.

The couple’s intimate life became increasingly rare. They might only have sex a few times a year.

Perhaps because their relationship was no longer harmonious, his wife’s personality became more and more extreme. She would often criticize him over small issues, and their relationship became increasingly tense.

Meanwhile, my friend continued exercising all these years. He maintained excellent physical condition and looked like someone in his early 30s rather than a man in his 40s.

His wife became worried that he might cheat on her. She began checking his bank cards, phone, and social circles in great detail.

How detailed was it?

For example, if there was a payment record of a few hundred yuan for a meal outside, she would demand to know exactly who he ate with. She would even check his call history or chat records before the meal to verify that he had actually contacted those people.

Whenever he went out for dinner, she would calculate the expected time and immediately call to check on him. If she made a video call, he had to answer, and she would inspect who was sitting at the table with him.

When I heard this, I was shocked.

I thought:

“Who could possibly tolerate this? Even the police investigating a case wouldn’t check details this thoroughly.”

Eventually, my friend couldn’t take it anymore.

He found an opportunity and, without discussing it with his family, left the first-tier city and returned to our “less developed” hometown.

At that point, he was already in his 40s, his wife was over 45, and his in-laws were also getting older. His sudden departure completely caught them off guard.

They suddenly realized something:

This so-called “self-made man from a rural background” — the husband and son-in-law they once looked down upon — actually never needed them at all.

They could no longer threaten him the way they had ten years earlier.

Instead, they changed their approach and started using emotional appeals.

But my friend simply didn’t care anymore.

Whenever he had time, he went back to his hometown to visit his parents, go fishing, and work out.

With his wife’s family, he mostly only kept contact with his child through phone calls and video chats. He rarely went back there anymore.

One day, I asked him:

“If your wife asks for a divorce now, what would you do?”

He replied:

“Wouldn’t that be great news?”